I Have Calmed and Quieted My Soul

I Have Calmed and Quieted My Soul: Psalm 131

     A song of Ascents of David

"O Lord, my heart is not lifted up;

     my eyes are not raised too high;

I do not occupy myself with things

     too great and too marvelous for me.

But I have calmed and quieted my soul,

     like a weaned child with its mother;

     like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, hope in the Lord

     from this time forth and forevermore."

And this is where I am--where God and I have met.

In awe of his grace and glory, but quite unable to understand it.

I love how the beginning of this psalm describes the humility of the faithful man, whose eyes are raised just enough to worship but not high enough to suggest a creation should receive the Creator's glory. The faithful man has a humble, and accurate view of himself that comes from a glorified, and accurate view of God.

The faithful man does not attempt to understand things too marvelous or too great for him; he understands somethings are beyond human power or comprehension. He understands he cannot understand the ways of God, because if he could then he would cease to be a worshiper and God would cease to be God.

As a weaned child is content to simply have his mother's presence, the faithful man contentedly rests, calmed and quieted, in the Presence of God.

For in the Lord's presence there is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11).

His presence arouses thanksgiving (Psalm 95:2) and singing (Psalm 100:2).

Even when there are many things the faithful servant would like God to explain, God's presence is enough.

Moments a cherir

Well, obviously blogging hasn't been on my list of new years resolutions. Needless to say, this is the first blog in a while and it's going to be a fun one!

I needed to write something lighthearted; something celebratory of friendship and fun. Yes, a lot is certainly going on underneath layers of brain cells, tough conversations, truths I don't understand, and tear stained journal pages, but those thoughts aren't quite eloquent enough to publish, even with viewer discretion.

Thus, a fun blog!

MLK day was one of the funnest days I've had in a while. Since we don't have class on MLK day, my three best friends and I spontaneously decided to jump in the car, split the gas money, and road trip it to New Orleans.

After stopping at Chik-fil-a, the bank, Smoothie King, and Kroger we finally got on the road about an hour behind schedule (typical). I don't know if you've ever had the pleasure of being in a car with your best friends for three hours, but if not let me assure you, it's awesome! With the girls who know me better than I know myself, we shared the shameless freedom of singing obnoxiously loud and eating as many cheese-nips as we wanted. 

We finally got New Orleans around 2pm (an hour AHEAD of schedule...Emma...) and parked next to another MC car. After interrogating the car from the outside finding an ENO, Explicit Gospel, a long board, and a Passion 2013 bumper sticker, we confirmed that this was indeed a cool person (We will find you random MC student, we will find you).

With Starbucks lattes in hand, we oohed and ahhhed over the unnecessarily expensive items in Anthropologie, wrecked the jewelry sales in Francesca's, discovered our inner hipsters in Urban, took pictures of ourselves on the escalator, did Ellen's Dance Dare...the usual.

We walked on to the outdoor French Market and Farmer's Market, passing street musicians along the way! In particular, one bearded saxophonist played Amazing Grace over the noise and movement of the market. This musical reminder of grace in a culturally dark city was certainly refreshing. A little further down, on the outskirts of the market we met a Jamaican vendor selling shoes Emma recognized from her trip to Togo West Africa. We had a nice talk with him. Even making friendly connections with strangers is a glimpse of the goodness and grace of God. It was here that I turned and told my girls I was going to write about today.

We had an early dinner at a quaint Louisiana Pizza Kitchen on the corner. Lindsey and I split a crawfish etouffee pizza; savoring the Cajun flavor was like coming home. A nice British couple introduced themselves and we chatted about life in England, their grandkids in Houston, and they offered to take a picture for us. Again, God gracefully shows His goodness in the fallen bearers of His image.

Cafe du Monde was the last and most anticipated stop. Beignets and Cafe au Lait is the perfect way to end a day trip. I loved being able to look around the tiny, sugar and saucer covered table and cherish the four of us enjoying life together.

Friendships like these don't come often. They are a gift given in grace by the best Gift Giver. I don't claim to understand everything about the Almighty God, I never will, but I will humbly say that blessings like friendship are given to us for His glory. I'm so thankful for these girls, but it is our Creator who is to be praised. Friendships and relationships are an avenue to worship.

To God be the glory, forever and ever.    

I'm From: Acoustic Resistance

I’m from a musical heart.

I’m from singing my first words and dancing my first steps.

I’m from recognizing at a young age the joy that comes through music.

I’m from music and worship coexisting in the sacred places of my heart.

I’m from growing up.

I’m from self-consciousness and insecurity replacing the music that once captured my innocence.

I’m from piano lessons with Natalie in the fourth grade.

I’m from my first year of competitions ending in a new teacher.

I’m from rally study sessions and 7am lessons.

I’m from wanting to quit and give up everything when music got hard.

I’m from teachers and parents that wouldn’t let me.

I’m from them seeing my first love and God’s unique gift when I refused.

I’m from their urgings to persevere.

I’m from loving to sing but being too insecure to sing out.

I’m from angrily rejecting those who wanted me to sing again.

I’m from friends forcing songs out of me.

I’m from the prayers and persistence that slowly softened my heart.

I’m from reluctantly joining the youth worship team.

I’m from being ashamed but strangely hopeful at hearing my voice for the first time.

I’m from Sunday afternoons with Jason, Aaron, Casey, Emma, Beau, Melissa, and JD.

I’m from all of our talents synthesizing to create the sacred worship I used to love.

I’m from coming alive in those moments where beauty and air reverberate off the walls.

I’m from deciding to learn a few guitar chords in my spare time.

I’m from playing and practicing in my room when no one could hear me.

I’m from ending many days with tired vocal chords, numb fingertips, and unfinished homework.

I’m from broken guitar strings, chord sheets, and bottles of water.

I’m from capos, set lists, and Aaron’s jeep.

I’m from nervous prayers in Jason’s office on Wednesday nights.

I’m from humbly watching high-schoolers lift their voices to their Lord.

I’m from being unsure whose voice was coming through the speakers, but contently knowing the voice was singing to her Father.

I’m from going to college and losing time to play and sing.

I’m from pursuing a music minor because something inside me still won’t let go.

I’m from Milly’s living room and listening to her songs.

I’m from wanting to write songs of my own.

I’m from being asked to sing but old fears still choking me.

I’m from doing it anyway.

I’m from fear, stubbornness, insecurity and music coloring the past 19 years of my life.

I’m from what God is still teaching me. 

I’m from learning worship is not about me.

I’m from singing because He is worthy of praise.

I’m from the lie that talent makes me adequate.

I’m from learning to allow His grace to define my worthiness and adequacy.

I’m from the Gospel.

I'm From: The Literal, The Relational

I’m from Ruston, Louisiana.

I’m from a small college town whose population doubles during the school year.

I’m from thick southern community that runs deep with cookouts and sweet tea.

I’m from Ruston High School.

I’m from football games, pep rallies, and Bearcats on Broadway.

I’m from jazz shoes and duffel bags.

I’m from soccer games and track meets and Just Dance parties.

I’m from “Mrs. Stephenson lives in my mind.”

I’m from hating English to loving it.

I’m from a family of six.

I’m from two parents and three brothers.

I’m from Byron and our shared love for coffee and books.

I’m from continuously being amazed at the way he leads our family.

I’m from the way he challenges boys and teaches them to be men.

I’m from Melinda and her choice to be submissive though she would much rather take the reins.

I’m from her gardening attempts and “mighty-muh” specials.

I’m from mother-daughter Bible studies, road trips, shopping trips, and arguments that refined us.

I’m from the three men-of-God I get to call my brothers.

I’m from Matthew’s deep thinking, quiet strength, and brilliance.

I’m from his thoughtful gifts and deep love of family tradition.

I’m from Michael’s fun-loving, pot-stirring, “Michael-is-a-verb” personality.

I’m from his cool-big brother status and long phone calls about life.

I’m from John David’s tender heart, athleticism, and my childhood best friend.

I’m from his natural leadership, humility, and desire to learn.

I’m from going to church for as long as I can remember.

I’m from becoming a Christian and learning to ride my bike at the same age.

I’m from the incredible example my parents set for me and my brothers.

I’m from John O and Jason’s leadership.

I’m from Super Hero Dodge ball and Dessert Fest.

I’m from Sunday afternoon jam sessions to leading worship.

I’m from tears on senior night and Show-the-Love dinners.

I’m from Jason and Emily Howell's mentorship

I'm from their example of marriage and teamwork

I'm from their first daughter, Hannah Elizabeth, and her reminder that God is faithful.

I’m from small group and discipleship with incredible young women.

I’m from a whole group of girls that did life together.

I’m from making cookies on game-days to scheming late night pranks.

I’m from first dates and awkward moments.

I’m from hurt feelings and confrontations.

I’m from accountability and encouragement.

I’m from Hannah Rose’s hospitality and honesty.

I’m from Lauren’s spontaneity and wisdom.

I’m from Casey’s depth and thoughtfulness.

I’m from Melissa’s sensitivity and determination.

I’m from Haven’s energy and deeply caring heart.

I’m from Taylor’s strength and questions that made us push deeper.

I'm from Mary-Kyle's sense of humor and active love.

I’m from a whole room of girls praying and learning together.

I’m from the first day of freshman year to graduation speeches.

I’m from continuing to challenge and pray for one another through college.