This text conversation actually happened last night:
Me: Gosh, so I never really formed an actual blog for this week and now i”m at a crossroads of do I actually write something? what do i write? what if it sucks? ugh. And then Hannah Brencher is amazing! So I’m like...cool my writing sucks....i know...LIES. inner turmoil.... the worst!
Hallie: Yes! Who cares if it sucks? Hannah Brencher is 26 and Liz Moore has incredible and DIFFERENT things to say. That the world needs to hear. Who knows who needs to hear your voice? Who knows what will go unsaid if you don't say it?
Thank the Lord for friends like Hallie Darphin.
So here I am, 11:28pm, and I just got an idea of what I need to say. If not for anyone else, then it's for myself. So here it goes:
Sometimes you feel like you suck, and that's pretty normal I think. One day, brilliant words will be falling out of your head, and then the next day you're shaking your fist at a blank canvas. Where did the inspiration go? Why are words suddenly hard?
I'm rapidly learning that this, my friends, is real life. But what do we do on the blank canvas days? Why do we have those days in the first place?
It's tempting to think that on the blank canvas days, we just have nothing--the well of our brain is dry. But I think blank canvas days also come because our brains are overloaded.
We're drowning in feelings, and sometimes it's just too much to take in, ponder, and process at the same time.
So we ignore. We stuff it deep down. We numb ourselves to everything deeper than surface-level, because the moment we surrender to depth, feelings happen. Our minds give way to thoughts that are raw and unprocessed. It actually hurts.
That's kind of what's happening to my brain right now. Yikes. I'm realizing that rather than shaking my fist at a blank canvas, I'm shaking my fist at feelings I want to ignore.
I wish there was a manual for how to unpack feelings and emotions. I wish there was a rule that made it okay to disregard feelings. But I looked everywhere, and there's not one. Sorry.
Feelings are a thing. Dang it. And crying actually happens to people. But we need to face those feelings, rather than stuff them in a dark place.
They're not something to be ignored. They're not something to be ashamed of. They're something to bring out in the open and into the light.
However, there's a big difference between recognizing feelings as real and following them as truth. What a difficult line to walk. Although feelings are very real and need to be brought to the light, they are not what lead us. The Truth leads us.
Feelings give valuable insight into the contents of our hearts, but the Truth leads us to freedom.
So what are you ignoring? Who are you allowing to lead you? Believe it or not, what we keep in the darkness will only make us miserable. So be brave and think about it. Feel it. And go to the Truth.
Let the Truth lead those feelings to a healthy place. Freedom comes in the Light.
Good luck figuring out feelings. I'm right there with you.